Selfsgiving Is The Thanksgiving You Really Want | Doc-Docs

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- Thanksgiving has always beenmy least favorite holiday.

It's stressful and there's family tension.

I dread it every year, so thisyear I'm doing something new.

I'm celebrating Selfsgiving.

I'm just so thankful that noneof you could be here today.

When you think about it,everything about Thanksgiving should be awesome.

It's the people who make it terrible.

- It's dry, I need more sauce and there's none left in there.

(everyone yelling) - I don't want his sauce,it's garbage sauce! Robert ate the sauce, I want my own sauce! - You can just go homeand get your own sauce.

- And while Friendsgivingfixes the people problem, the food is always worse.

Last year I made a turkeyand my friends brought wine and chips because theyare lazy alcoholics.

With Selfsgiving I get to do exactly what I want to do, just eat.

Haven't you had enough wine? No Mom, I've never had enough wine.

Now we're gonna say grace to whatever God I would like to pray to.

Dear Whitney Houston.

Who has a problem with gay people? No one.

(mumbles with mouth full) I am so happy.

And then when I'm done, Iroll up the table cloth, throw it all out and watch Real Housewives until I fall asleep.

No, I don't hate myfamily, I just don't like being around them or talking to them.

I have more reasons too, Icould give you more reasons.

I don't know if Hell is other people, but right now I'm in Heaven.

Now, get the (beep) out of my house.

Go ahead, get the (beep) out.

Charlie Brown is a round-headed (beep).

Planes, Trains andAutomobiles can suck my dick.

Oo, football's on TV, I'mgonna keep watching that.

I have three more days of doing only this.

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